Losing a Coach

Today i lost a coach.
It wasnt even up for a vote.
It just happened.
Out of the blue.
39 YEARS of AGGIE FOOTBALL.
I got 1.5 out of the 39 and i still cried.

I have had many coaches in my life.
Some i was happy to see go.
Others, it was just a shame.
This was a shock.
This was a blow.
This coach is IRREPLACEABLE.
And he wasn't even "my"coach, but then again he was MY coach.

Of course there are reasons.
Understandable, logical reasons.
There is always a reason.
But something about the emotion of football, and the coach-player relationship, dims the logic of it.

I wish my coach the best.
He is a great man.
Some people tell you they are "great" by the way they act and carry themselves.
This man told me he was great through the mouths and testimonies of others, those who's lives he touched.
A multitude.

Some say crying is outside the "manbox".
i disagree.
When you see someone pour out their heart to a football team.
Everyday, for almost half a century.
And now the path of life must take them elsewhere, and you see the pain that this causes them.
Something ought to rise up inside of you.
It did in me.

When you leave someone, something that you LOVE.
Tears are shed.
And there is no "manbox".

The vacancy will never be filled.
There will always be a cavity, a hole where he belongs.
Nobody can replace that humor, that goofiness.
Nobody can replace the ideals, the integrity.
Nobody can replace the work ethic, the one liners.
Nobody can replace the kindness, the Heart.
Nobody can replace our coach, my coach.
Nobody.

Time is the enemy.
Time is always on the move.
But time will not take from me what you have given to me, coach.
The memories, the lessons, the advice, the handshake, the pat on the back, the final hug.
Those are enshrined.

So coach.
I am disappointed that the remaining years of my football career will be spent without you on the field with me.
But know that the remaining years of my football career will be spent with the lessons you taught, and the example you were.
Of AGGIE PRIDE
Exemplified to the fullest extent.

I will see you around.
And i will always appreciate and respect you coach.
You will always be.
MY COACH.

Habakkuk JOY

3 vs 17-19
"though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, YET i will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."

Habakkuk means "to embrace".


when all around is rain and clouds and darkness,

when all the people around you are fake and fail you in every way,

when all you see around the world is suffering and hate and greed,

remember.

that there is a power unexplanable

that will make you able

to merely cope? NO

to merely survive? NO

to thrive? YES

to rejoice? YES

and this joy will enable you to "embrace" things as they are and be strong.

a joy that will prompt you to sing a song.

a joy that will be visible in the vibe you give.

a joy that will shine through the life you live.

a supernatural joy.

so in these times of promised change,

know that the word of man is as changing as a the score of a basketball game.

and find your joy in the Lord,

knowing that you will not be let down.

EVER

C.O.R.I.N.N,

Celestial
Outstanding
Radiant
Intelligent
Nice
Neat

Hello everyone,

My life has been changed forever. On January 1, the first day of this glorious year, I saw her... She was breathtakingly beautiful and her smile was like the sunshine. I was a little too nervous to talk to her but luckily she came up to me. Then I finally got up the courage and called her and boy am I glad I did. I can't believe she went out with me. It was great. I even got a new guy friend from hanging out with her. I want to talk to her every night. I am done searching I have found the one and I hope I don't do anything to mess that up. I am going to get an earring. Sometimes I cry at night wishing she was here. I just wanted you to know how I felt about this whole post being a work of fiction. The fantasy of a certain corinn on how my affection toward her should be. She is very creative in her mind, and how she comes up with this i do not know. But there is some truth here, i must be honest; January 1 is the first day of the year. This i cannot deny. Also corinn did come on the prowl for me, actually quite aggresively now that i think of it...but what can i say? i claim to know what women want, but when they want me, sometimes things happen a little bit unpredictably.
So again, there is some truth in this fantasaical post, but unfortunately the fiction far outweighs the facts.

spoke

the spoken word:

the expression of some thing observed?
reviving some things once heard?
occuring in a time where "to be heard" is absurd?
living on throughout generations? (if it holds merit to do so)
immortal but not invisible or God only wise...
visibility being its vessel and God being the inspiration for some...

and now to the Punch:

for the word NOT SPOKEn,
is like the bike wheel with the SPOKEs removed; easily contorted, weak, doomed to ultimate collapse.
the word on the page that has not been given the life of man,
is like potential energy; the rock balanced at the tip of the cliff.
useless until it is converted through the vocal chords, the tongue, the lips, of man.
the mind can create words, phrases, expressions of thought, but
the gap between writing and speaking is large.
written ------ and ------ spoken.
expressed ------ and ------ claimed.
anonymous ------ and------ fully responsible.

Make the leap
Clear the gap
Vault the gorge
But know this:
Once once you have made, cleared, vaulted,
there is NO going back.
Embrace it.
peace
-D weazy

My Travels

Wat up world...
im here in Middletown, Delaware with family.
Let me rewind for you to the beginning, although so much has happened over the past four days...
the four and a half hour flight...
the cramped ass...
arriving into jfk at 6:30 AM...
the rental car drama that lasted for 2 hours...
arriving at the hotel at 2 PM...
haircut in Harlem...
the Famous Fish Market...
dinner at Londell's...
Finally sleep at the hotel.

[day two]

Breakfast at Golden's in Teaneck...
off to Staten island to see more family...
still in Staten island...
still in Staten island...
ok, back to the Hotel...
holla at the Jets running back in the lobby...(they lost)
sleep...

[day three]

Church in Englewood, NJ...
lunch with more family in Teaneck...
good laughs...
good times...
packing up at the hotel...
dinner at Floridita with titi carmen...
master packing job in the Lincoln...
the drive to Delaware...
more family...
asleep late in Middletown...

[day four]
awaking late, to the sunny in december?...
morning run with the ipod...
vultures chillin on the roof, waiting...
the near death doberman experience...
the sprint home...
GREAT breakfast...
pop's grits...
movin the marble mammoth...
into Philly to see more family...
cheesesteak and hoagies...
South Street and Lorenzo and Sons...
back to Middletown...
chillin with them CUz's...
And here i am.

TBC... when i return to D town...
-peace
dweazy

WAT up to all you people that may happen upon my blog in the next week or so!!
Im headin out of town on Christmas for awhile.
i will try to keep up on the blog, but i dont know exactly what my internet acess will be and how much time i will have (busy season) ya dig?
anyway, MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!
happy new year!
GOD BLESS!
-dweazy

HEART

the dark room
the light trying to force its way through the blinds
the silent war.


the paralysed soul
held inactive by decisions from the past,
the heart a jail cell for a good soul.


the fear of a man
the power of fear infiltrating motivation
the motivation now transformed
the transformed actions that result
result in catastrophe
catastrophe of the mind or catastrophe of the hand
the hand and the mind being directly connected not always
but always in sync
in sync but behind the scenes, behind the curtains
the curtains being the temporal lobe of the brain
the brain will sit you down and explain
explain the circumstances surrounding these events
these events that left a 17 year old without a heart beating
beaten till his face was unrecognizable in an alley.

Actually, the bloody money in his limp grip tells a clue
a clue back to that motivation
that motivation of fear
fear and survival
surviving, and supporting his husbandless mother
a mother that doesn't KNOW her son
KNEW her son superficially
officially, she is not to blame
the blame lies in the father because it takes two to raise the son best
the best sun
will rise today over the world
the world that was rained on last night
last night the rain came down
down also went his heart beat to nothing

nobody will really ever know his story
the story that will be known will not explain what he can no longer provide
provision of reasons and MOTIVATIONS
what motivated his heart to deal
deal with the steel tryin to earn a meal.

this is the tragedy of the human heart
A woman so heartless?
i say a woman so heartful.
too much of the heart and its murderous ways
plays you too close the the edge
it plays YOU, it gains control
takes the reins
starts to Reign
to rain down its agenda.

Beware the heart.
The heart is a beautiful monster.
Control IT.
Then,
you can be great.
IT Controlling you.
Then,
you can be destroyed.
Gen 6:5
-peace
Dweazy