I love this album. So many nuggets of truth delivered on the voice of an angel and through her hands turning the white and black keys into magical messengers of rhythm and melody.
So emotional, romantic, strong, vivacious.
I see so much of myself mirrored in Alicia Keys and her music.
I am by no means making a talent comparison, but i feel that her music truly speaks to me in a unique way. Im sure millions across the globe feel the same way.
Love is blind, i have been told this my entire life. But for me, not having a true grasp on what love feels like, how would i know? I only know of what love looks like as sacrifice (the Great example of Christ's sacrifice for sinful man). There are people in my life that i am willing, even desiring to sacrifice for. Does this mean that i love them?
What do you do when one whom you want to sacrifice for withdraws leaving an emptiness inside of you?
You find a way to make it without them.
But i dont want to do that. It is painful, like everywhere i walk there is a weight strapped to my heart.
I am afraid of knowing that i love someone. Thats putting myself out there to be loved back or not.
I am afraid to be vulnerable to that extent, but i cant lie to my heart.
My heart is full of smiles, and i caught a glimpse of her smile, but it has since faded away while my smile has grown.
I don't presume to know of love, but i know my love is Strong.
There cant be time constraints on the origins of Love, it can be developed over months and years, or it can spring up in a night, or something in between. It is not an equation in its source. Love is like the sea, tumultuous and overpowering, taking you over and taking you under.
But when i am the only one drowning in that sea, and she is standing on the shore.....
The fear of unrequited feelings, unrequited love is a deep fear in me.
I have for a long time held myself aloof from that possibility.
It was reserved for fools who didnt see the signs along the road that ended in a precipice.
Am i now that very "fool"?
It would be very different if we were separated by distance and time. It wouldnt hurt as much.
The truth is that we could be right next to eachother every minute, but it is a different type of distance that has begun to separate us.
Honestly, i shouldnt be shocked. Alongside the fact that i should know that the people that i really care for may not feel the same way, there is the fact that she had articulated that but i blindly pushed forward propelled by forces- beyond of my control? perhaps.
Once you get a taste of what it feels like to fly, its hard to take better judgement seriously.
I hoped it would stay and last forever. Naive? perhaps, but dont we all wish for that?
These are my feelings. Do i know 100% if they are true? Not at the moment, but time will tell.
And if (God forbid) i am correct, what must i do with this love that i have still in me because she can not, will not, accept it? Must i kill this love? How does love die?
"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we dont know how to replenish its source...it dies of blindness...of tarnishings." This speaks of a true love that has developed between two people. In my case, what to do with this undeveloped love? The death of it will indeed not be natural. It is ironic that the blindness that often defines love can be the cause of its death.
I hope my love need not die, but that it will be able to flourish and be embraced and returned by her.
If not, Gods will be done. He is my ultimate comfort. Truly God looks down on the plans of men and laughs. soli deo gloria.
Her music helps my heart to speak as it has in this post. "Pray to Him, He will show". Ultimately i live to see Gods smile, to please Him. But life does throw a curveball every now and then. What to do.
Merry Christmas to all.
May the peace of God be with you in this season of celebrating his birth.
--D Weazy
