http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCo98xzU4Bk
I thank my friend Brock for finally finding this song. We had listened to it many times but only had it on a burnt CD. So up to this point it has been Track 7. But is Happiness by Riceboy Sleeps. i post this now as a preface to the posts to come because they will be heavy and full of a lot of serious stuff that has gone on in my life over the past months. This song really helps me to relax and think on a deep level. As i write i will be using this song. Enjoy.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
THE HAITI CHRONICLES
Preface:
All these events occured no more then 48 hours prior to the time i wrote them down here(in my journal). I did this purposefully in an attempt to recollect all the events more vividly. Even so, this account is by no means an exhaustive record of the week in haiti. this is more in the line of my personal highlights day by day, and some reflection on those events. To those who were on the Haiti team, PLEASE feel FREE to add any personal accounts or stories or thoughts in the comments section.
Thankyou, enjoy, and Soli Deo Gloria.
DAY 1 Haiti 6-13 2010
As thunder murmurs in the distance, a refreshing sprinkle of rain begins to soothe my sticky skin. The Humidity is incredible. Little did i know, but this sprinkling was only a prequel to the rain of the Spirit that was about to fall. At this time i was sitting on the stairs talking to one of our intrepreters Davidson, getting acquainted, small talk. All of a sudden, i hear a most familiar tune. We are housed on the second floor, and the singing is coming from the first floor. Being the first day in haiti, nobody on our team really knows the Pastor (at whose house we are staying) or his family, or the correct protocol for really any interaction with them. However, as i began to recognize the tune and as i began to hear voices raised in worship, a pull that i cannot deny draws me to go in and join them. The song was "It is Well With my Soul" and it was being sung by a group of about 20 haitian christians.
At first i stood outside the door singing along in english...eventually one man insisted that i join in and sit with them. Immediately tears began to flow. I could not hold them back. No matter how hard i tried. The fact that these haitian beleivers could sing "it is well with my soul" with more conviction then anyone i have ever heard was overwhelming to me. The Holy Spirit was in the room without a doubt. We continued to sing other songs, a few of which i did not know, but i picked up the words and the melody and sang along as best i could. The tears continued as the global body of Christ became a reality before my own eyes. After singing we all prayed and praised the Lord in our own native tounge. IT was beautiful. With the intrepeter Davidson at hand, salutations were given from our group to the church and vice versa. We all introduced ourselves, there was a benediction, and the Lord was blessed. Then i ran to my pen- where i am now- to account for this Holy Ghost event asap.
-Its been less then 24 hours in Haiti and im already amazed at God and his Love and his church. I look forward to the upcoming week.
DAY 2 Haiti 6-14-2010
-The nights sleep wasnt as bad as i anticipated (sleeping on the hard floor with only a thin mat and nothing else). I was awakened at 4 am by the sound of the church people downstairs worshipping. 4 AM! Here in haiti the sun rises at ~4:30 AM. When i reawoke at 6, the sun had been smiling for hours. Not something im used to.
Had a "debrief" meeting with the team and a session of "listening prayer" to see what God had planned for our group this day. Then we split up and went out in groups of about 5-7 people to meet the community. We(my small group) stopped by approximately 15-20 residences walking through the dirt streets and alleyways. Met and prayed with about 50 people. We had intrepeter Davidson and chruch member Mark with us. Mark knew some people in the community and was very helpful. Everywhere we went we were invited in. The hospitality displayed to us was phenomenal. In the USA, youre lucky if someone opens the door long enough for you to rattle off who you are and that "no im not asking for your money". The Haitians we encountered possess a resiliency and and a self-pride, but also a humility that is impressive.
Today was a day of following Gods lead and seeing Him work. We went out from 9 till 12 and then after lunch untill 4:30.
Played soccer with a group of kids. I squirted them with my waterbottle (they loved it).
The Haitian christian truly understands the significance and value of prayer. In the USA, I and many other christians, i fear, do not value and see prayer as we should. One man was so thankful that we came to pray with him, and he asked us to come back everyday to pray with him. They truly see it as a gift more then any material thing AND they believe in prayer.
We prayed healing over a womans extremely swollen knee. We prayed for a woman who wanted to be serious in her faith and be 100% honest with God.
We put a smile on the faces of countess men women and children and showed them the love of Christ. And it was returned to us. All in 1 day!! As we debriefed together at the end of the day a flamenco guitarist played out in the dark street(no power tonight). IT was incredibly beautiful. Someone joined the guitar in creole rap and later a drummer. As i am immersed in an outpouring of Gods love, as well as the rhythm and richness of this culture, i find myself falling into love with these children of the King. We shall see what tomorrow holds....
DAY 3 Haiti 6-15-2010
Title: "the end at the begining"
Worship service at the church of Pastor David Douchard.
(as i write it is 10:00 pm and there is soo much to write about...Lord help me to remember everything)
Jakob has been requested to preach his first ever sermon for 100 plus haitian church members. CRAZY COOL. Right after the service started, the rain came down in epic fashion.
"torrential downpour"
"like a waterfall"
" a deluge"
"like in Free Willy when his tank was broken open"
[those are an assortment of diferent descriptions of the rain by team members]
But as the rain seeped throught the tarps covering the outdoor section of the church where we were all seated, it became clear that we needed to move the service inside. However, there was no interruption of the worship. The coming of the rain only caused the haitian worshippers, and us in turn, to sing louder and with more fervor. It really was as if God had opened the floodgates of heaven and let his power, love and spirit rain down on haiti and all of us, in that moment.
[here the normal journal flow is interrupted to bring you an account of a side story that occured over some days]
Title: The Moon Reflect His Light
--the Luna Miracle--
On monday, one team encountered a 19 yr old girl named Luna who was married to a spirit(the warrior spirit agu). She said that the team could come back later to speak with her about Jesus. [she made it clear that she hated the spirit, that it hurt her and caused her to do things that she could remember after being posessed. the spirit would come and go.] On tuesday, in the afternoon, a group consisting of our aim leader Branden, team member Cindy(who had first encountered Luna the day before), Pastor Douchard, and some of his church team were set to go and speak with Luna. I was able to tag along at the last minute.
[God Note]: the Brazil v. N. Korea game of the World Cup was on that afternoon, so EVERYONE was watching the game- Haitians are HUGE Brazil fans. The group going to speak with Luna was planning to leave at ~3 which was during the game. For some reason the mission was delayed until 4 when the game was over. If we had gone during the game chances are high that Luna would have a)not been at home but with some friends watching the game or b)watching the game and uninterested in talking with us and missing the game. As it was, the group arrived at her house right after the game ended [GO_D timing]. Plus Brazil won so everyone was in good spirits. Back to the story.
We arrived at Luna's house. She invited us in and she sat down as we all gathered around her. In her eyes i saw a fear and a desperation to be free. Cindy (who has a daughter of 19 years) also began to minister to Luna and this was very effective. Luna was very receptive the entire time. Cindy shed tears sympathizing with Luna-a beautiful girl, subjected to demon activity, and bound to an evil spirit that she hated. Luna said that she desired to accept Jesus into her heart. The pastor then asked her a multitude of questions to test the sincerity of the desire she expressed. He explained to her that she would experience persecution for Christ's sake, even from her family, and that she cannot forsake God or else the demon would return even more powerfully. THROUGH ALL THIS SHE REMAINED FIRM IN HER DECISION. As tears of joy blurred my vision, she took the ring symbolizing her union with the demon and gave it to the pastor. She also burned the relics that the demon had prompted her to buy in honor of him. As she knelt to receive Christ into her now free but vacant heart, she looked up and her eyes met mine for a split second. In that moment i saw a new person. No longer was there fear and despair and desperation, but excitement, anticipation, and joy as she was taking the first step into her new life with Christ.
-there is no greater joy on this earth then to see a soul set free from the bondage of sin and satan. It is paramount only to the joy that Luna must have felt at the moment she realized her freedom.-
"No longer was she the moon caught in the darkness of night. She was now the moon reflecting, eclipsed, and illuminated by the [son]light of Life, shedding that Light in a land that is trapped in the darkness of night."
This is only the beginning of Luna's story.
Now back to Jakes sermon later that evening. When i arrived at church i saw that Luna was not there. Doubt immediately flooded my mind as to whether her conversion was real. "OH YE OF LITTLE FAITH!" She walked in about 20 minutes later. When she saw Cindy, her smile was priceless. Due to the rain we moved the service inside. When Jake preached from Eph 6 on the full armor of God it was as if God said to me, "never doubt me again" because this was exactly what Luna needed and what i needed. The armor of God to combat the devil. Jake had no previous knowledge of Luna's conversion, but God did. Since that day every chance that Luna has had to be in the house of God or in fellowship with Gods people, she has been there, radiant with joy. God chose her before time, a daughter of the King. Hallelujah!
Later that evening i met with the pastor and his wife along with my dear brothers Abram and LouLou. The pastor knew Spanish!! My growing frustration with the language barrier was alleviated for a time as we were able to converse pretty effectively in spanish. What a blessing. Pastor David, im learning, is a true Man of God, drawing very strong similarities to my pastor back in Davis CA. He preaches the Word in an uncompromising fashion, shows great love and concern for his flock; a true servant. If at all possible i hope to establish contact between my church and the Pastor Douchard's church here in Carrefour. I feel an almost familial connection to the pastor, his wife, and family. This is not helped by the fact that they treat me as such.
DAY 4 Haiti 6/17/2010
We visited an orphanage. About 70-80 kids from 2 month old infants to teenagers- all of them orphans. I cannot offer them a home, but i can make them laugh and smile, so that is what i did while making sure that i told them "Jesu teime" (jesus loves you). I saw the love of Christ displayed through everyone in our team as went into this place that smelled terrible, was extremely hot, and could have depressed some. Instead it was a joyous and very sweaty time. When we left i made it a point to avoid saying goodbye personally to kids because i knew it would be to hard for me.
Over the next three days we were able to do more prayer walks into the community and conduct some follow up visits with folks that we had met the first day.
We went and prayed again with the brother who had requested for us to return. He was very moved. His name was Gerard Belizair, and we prayed with him for one of his children that did not yet know Jesus Christ. On thursday and friday, we did a VBS type event at Pastor Douchards church. Cindy worked closely with the head of childrens ministries from the church to put on a good event for the kids. Good is an understatement. With more then 100 kids on one of the days and about 85 on the other. Where it could have gotten totally out of control, cindy(with the aid of out interpreters) kept things going. IT was great for the kids, they all had a blast, and most importantly they all heard about the love of Jesus Christ. Returning to the orphanage had different effects on different people. Whereas some were purposely more removed in an effort to view the big picture of Haiti, the grand scheme of things, (as highlighted by the majestic view from the top of the orphanage) others, (myself included), had different reactions. I allowed myself to become more attached with the boys and girls on the second visit. Leaving them was very very hard.
All these events occured no more then 48 hours prior to the time i wrote them down here(in my journal). I did this purposefully in an attempt to recollect all the events more vividly. Even so, this account is by no means an exhaustive record of the week in haiti. this is more in the line of my personal highlights day by day, and some reflection on those events. To those who were on the Haiti team, PLEASE feel FREE to add any personal accounts or stories or thoughts in the comments section.
Thankyou, enjoy, and Soli Deo Gloria.
DAY 1 Haiti 6-13 2010
As thunder murmurs in the distance, a refreshing sprinkle of rain begins to soothe my sticky skin. The Humidity is incredible. Little did i know, but this sprinkling was only a prequel to the rain of the Spirit that was about to fall. At this time i was sitting on the stairs talking to one of our intrepreters Davidson, getting acquainted, small talk. All of a sudden, i hear a most familiar tune. We are housed on the second floor, and the singing is coming from the first floor. Being the first day in haiti, nobody on our team really knows the Pastor (at whose house we are staying) or his family, or the correct protocol for really any interaction with them. However, as i began to recognize the tune and as i began to hear voices raised in worship, a pull that i cannot deny draws me to go in and join them. The song was "It is Well With my Soul" and it was being sung by a group of about 20 haitian christians.
At first i stood outside the door singing along in english...eventually one man insisted that i join in and sit with them. Immediately tears began to flow. I could not hold them back. No matter how hard i tried. The fact that these haitian beleivers could sing "it is well with my soul" with more conviction then anyone i have ever heard was overwhelming to me. The Holy Spirit was in the room without a doubt. We continued to sing other songs, a few of which i did not know, but i picked up the words and the melody and sang along as best i could. The tears continued as the global body of Christ became a reality before my own eyes. After singing we all prayed and praised the Lord in our own native tounge. IT was beautiful. With the intrepeter Davidson at hand, salutations were given from our group to the church and vice versa. We all introduced ourselves, there was a benediction, and the Lord was blessed. Then i ran to my pen- where i am now- to account for this Holy Ghost event asap.
-Its been less then 24 hours in Haiti and im already amazed at God and his Love and his church. I look forward to the upcoming week.
DAY 2 Haiti 6-14-2010
-The nights sleep wasnt as bad as i anticipated (sleeping on the hard floor with only a thin mat and nothing else). I was awakened at 4 am by the sound of the church people downstairs worshipping. 4 AM! Here in haiti the sun rises at ~4:30 AM. When i reawoke at 6, the sun had been smiling for hours. Not something im used to.
Had a "debrief" meeting with the team and a session of "listening prayer" to see what God had planned for our group this day. Then we split up and went out in groups of about 5-7 people to meet the community. We(my small group) stopped by approximately 15-20 residences walking through the dirt streets and alleyways. Met and prayed with about 50 people. We had intrepeter Davidson and chruch member Mark with us. Mark knew some people in the community and was very helpful. Everywhere we went we were invited in. The hospitality displayed to us was phenomenal. In the USA, youre lucky if someone opens the door long enough for you to rattle off who you are and that "no im not asking for your money". The Haitians we encountered possess a resiliency and and a self-pride, but also a humility that is impressive.
Today was a day of following Gods lead and seeing Him work. We went out from 9 till 12 and then after lunch untill 4:30.
Played soccer with a group of kids. I squirted them with my waterbottle (they loved it).
The Haitian christian truly understands the significance and value of prayer. In the USA, I and many other christians, i fear, do not value and see prayer as we should. One man was so thankful that we came to pray with him, and he asked us to come back everyday to pray with him. They truly see it as a gift more then any material thing AND they believe in prayer.
We prayed healing over a womans extremely swollen knee. We prayed for a woman who wanted to be serious in her faith and be 100% honest with God.
We put a smile on the faces of countess men women and children and showed them the love of Christ. And it was returned to us. All in 1 day!! As we debriefed together at the end of the day a flamenco guitarist played out in the dark street(no power tonight). IT was incredibly beautiful. Someone joined the guitar in creole rap and later a drummer. As i am immersed in an outpouring of Gods love, as well as the rhythm and richness of this culture, i find myself falling into love with these children of the King. We shall see what tomorrow holds....
DAY 3 Haiti 6-15-2010
Title: "the end at the begining"
Worship service at the church of Pastor David Douchard.
(as i write it is 10:00 pm and there is soo much to write about...Lord help me to remember everything)
Jakob has been requested to preach his first ever sermon for 100 plus haitian church members. CRAZY COOL. Right after the service started, the rain came down in epic fashion.
"torrential downpour"
"like a waterfall"
" a deluge"
"like in Free Willy when his tank was broken open"
[those are an assortment of diferent descriptions of the rain by team members]
But as the rain seeped throught the tarps covering the outdoor section of the church where we were all seated, it became clear that we needed to move the service inside. However, there was no interruption of the worship. The coming of the rain only caused the haitian worshippers, and us in turn, to sing louder and with more fervor. It really was as if God had opened the floodgates of heaven and let his power, love and spirit rain down on haiti and all of us, in that moment.
[here the normal journal flow is interrupted to bring you an account of a side story that occured over some days]
Title: The Moon Reflect His Light
--the Luna Miracle--
On monday, one team encountered a 19 yr old girl named Luna who was married to a spirit(the warrior spirit agu). She said that the team could come back later to speak with her about Jesus. [she made it clear that she hated the spirit, that it hurt her and caused her to do things that she could remember after being posessed. the spirit would come and go.] On tuesday, in the afternoon, a group consisting of our aim leader Branden, team member Cindy(who had first encountered Luna the day before), Pastor Douchard, and some of his church team were set to go and speak with Luna. I was able to tag along at the last minute.
[God Note]: the Brazil v. N. Korea game of the World Cup was on that afternoon, so EVERYONE was watching the game- Haitians are HUGE Brazil fans. The group going to speak with Luna was planning to leave at ~3 which was during the game. For some reason the mission was delayed until 4 when the game was over. If we had gone during the game chances are high that Luna would have a)not been at home but with some friends watching the game or b)watching the game and uninterested in talking with us and missing the game. As it was, the group arrived at her house right after the game ended [GO_D timing]. Plus Brazil won so everyone was in good spirits. Back to the story.
We arrived at Luna's house. She invited us in and she sat down as we all gathered around her. In her eyes i saw a fear and a desperation to be free. Cindy (who has a daughter of 19 years) also began to minister to Luna and this was very effective. Luna was very receptive the entire time. Cindy shed tears sympathizing with Luna-a beautiful girl, subjected to demon activity, and bound to an evil spirit that she hated. Luna said that she desired to accept Jesus into her heart. The pastor then asked her a multitude of questions to test the sincerity of the desire she expressed. He explained to her that she would experience persecution for Christ's sake, even from her family, and that she cannot forsake God or else the demon would return even more powerfully. THROUGH ALL THIS SHE REMAINED FIRM IN HER DECISION. As tears of joy blurred my vision, she took the ring symbolizing her union with the demon and gave it to the pastor. She also burned the relics that the demon had prompted her to buy in honor of him. As she knelt to receive Christ into her now free but vacant heart, she looked up and her eyes met mine for a split second. In that moment i saw a new person. No longer was there fear and despair and desperation, but excitement, anticipation, and joy as she was taking the first step into her new life with Christ.
-there is no greater joy on this earth then to see a soul set free from the bondage of sin and satan. It is paramount only to the joy that Luna must have felt at the moment she realized her freedom.-
"No longer was she the moon caught in the darkness of night. She was now the moon reflecting, eclipsed, and illuminated by the [son]light of Life, shedding that Light in a land that is trapped in the darkness of night."
This is only the beginning of Luna's story.
Now back to Jakes sermon later that evening. When i arrived at church i saw that Luna was not there. Doubt immediately flooded my mind as to whether her conversion was real. "OH YE OF LITTLE FAITH!" She walked in about 20 minutes later. When she saw Cindy, her smile was priceless. Due to the rain we moved the service inside. When Jake preached from Eph 6 on the full armor of God it was as if God said to me, "never doubt me again" because this was exactly what Luna needed and what i needed. The armor of God to combat the devil. Jake had no previous knowledge of Luna's conversion, but God did. Since that day every chance that Luna has had to be in the house of God or in fellowship with Gods people, she has been there, radiant with joy. God chose her before time, a daughter of the King. Hallelujah!
Later that evening i met with the pastor and his wife along with my dear brothers Abram and LouLou. The pastor knew Spanish!! My growing frustration with the language barrier was alleviated for a time as we were able to converse pretty effectively in spanish. What a blessing. Pastor David, im learning, is a true Man of God, drawing very strong similarities to my pastor back in Davis CA. He preaches the Word in an uncompromising fashion, shows great love and concern for his flock; a true servant. If at all possible i hope to establish contact between my church and the Pastor Douchard's church here in Carrefour. I feel an almost familial connection to the pastor, his wife, and family. This is not helped by the fact that they treat me as such.
DAY 4 Haiti 6/17/2010
We visited an orphanage. About 70-80 kids from 2 month old infants to teenagers- all of them orphans. I cannot offer them a home, but i can make them laugh and smile, so that is what i did while making sure that i told them "Jesu teime" (jesus loves you). I saw the love of Christ displayed through everyone in our team as went into this place that smelled terrible, was extremely hot, and could have depressed some. Instead it was a joyous and very sweaty time. When we left i made it a point to avoid saying goodbye personally to kids because i knew it would be to hard for me.
Over the next three days we were able to do more prayer walks into the community and conduct some follow up visits with folks that we had met the first day.
We went and prayed again with the brother who had requested for us to return. He was very moved. His name was Gerard Belizair, and we prayed with him for one of his children that did not yet know Jesus Christ. On thursday and friday, we did a VBS type event at Pastor Douchards church. Cindy worked closely with the head of childrens ministries from the church to put on a good event for the kids. Good is an understatement. With more then 100 kids on one of the days and about 85 on the other. Where it could have gotten totally out of control, cindy(with the aid of out interpreters) kept things going. IT was great for the kids, they all had a blast, and most importantly they all heard about the love of Jesus Christ. Returning to the orphanage had different effects on different people. Whereas some were purposely more removed in an effort to view the big picture of Haiti, the grand scheme of things, (as highlighted by the majestic view from the top of the orphanage) others, (myself included), had different reactions. I allowed myself to become more attached with the boys and girls on the second visit. Leaving them was very very hard.
Leaving on the morning of Saturday June 19th was also tough. But it had to happen and it all happened very quickly, there almost wasnt time for goodbyes. But i squeezed in as many as i could, some with a promised return because i feel i must go back at some point. The week flew by but it was jampacked with adventure, faith, miracles, and fun.
Reflections: Looking back on the trip as a whole, including the months leading up to the trip, i find a common thread. It may seem cliche, but everything fit together, etched by the hand of God. Many things that i encountered in haiti dont make sense without God. Many things i encountered in haiti would be hopeless BUT FOR God. And the crazy thing is that the haitians that i spent time with, that i grew fond of and that i miss, THEY will be the first ones to tell you that. They are a people of profound faith, based on the promises of God. I have almost taken more from them, in a way, then i went to give. (In terms of spiritual lessons, and lessons in love. The material things dont matter, its what one man does for his fellow man, and why he does it that matters. My trip to Haiti reinforced that in my mind. Even now a week removed from my trip, my thoughts on the whole thing are almost too much to be put down on paper or typed out. God is real. God is active. God is love. I would like to close this portion with the interpreted lyrics to a creole christain song.
"the grace of the Lord is so large and unexplainable and inunderstandable even to the angels, the angels cannot understand, the grace, the love that God has for us. thats why i cannot stop singing, HOSANNA, HOSANNA! I am more then victorious!"
The sound of haitian voices raised to the heavens with zealous abandon will forever dwell in my memory along with countless images and lessons that i learned while in Haiti doing God's work.
Friday, January 15, 2010
2010 NEW DECADE
WEll its been almost a month since my last post...alot has happened.
shortly after my last post i traveled across the country to the NY, NJ, Delaware, Philly areas to visit family for the holidays.
Great food as usual.
In a small fitness club in Glenpointe NJ, i met three people who had connections to UC Davis...small world indeed.
I went to a game at the MSG. That place is jampacked with tradition and history.
I rode my first NYC subway. I now believe that to truly appreciate the beauty and diversity of humanity, one must ride a NYC subway. Its a 360 degree experience, all about 6 inches from your face. The different faces, sizes, colors, everyone going their seperate ways but together for an average of 1 minute and 15 seconds. IT was an experience i will never forget.
I might be in love with New York.
But to live there without a niche could be a nightmare.
When i find my niche there---im there.
Brought in the new year in the House of the Lord. What better way? It was incredibly comforting and inspiring to see around 1000 people entrusting the new year and decade to their Lord, laying down their lives before Him in faith that He has a plan.
Everytime i return to Davis from visiting all my other family, i have a moment where i am just overwhelmed by realizing how much God has blessed my life and my family. And after that moment i have another even more potent moment when i realize how i dont deserve any of it.
I was talking to my friend/mentor Flex Alexander (some of you may know who he is) and he said something to me that i will not easily forget. He told me, "the minute we think that we deserve something and we start looking inward, thats the minute we start to lose the people around us". I pray that i never do that because the people around me ARE me to a certain extent. That would be self-destruct. My family, my close friends, all have in their own way helped me get this far; to 2010. And ALL that throught the devine plan and mercy of God.
Anyway, In class the other day i learned that the EU in an effort to better monitor and prevent terrorist attacks is trying to instate a mandatory i d card for all immigrants in the EU which is millions. This proposed card will have a tracking chip imbedded in it. THIS IS CRAZY! TALK ABOUT BIG BROTHER!! the first thing i thought of when i heard this was nazi germany where all jews had to where the star or in some places a yellow armband. I thought the USA was the only country that has given a stigma to immigration. Come to find out the EU has spent billions of dollars trying to get immigrants to return to their home countries. The funny thing is that if the EU had devoted half of that money to actually improving those home countries, people would be more likely to return. This fact is written clearly throughout history:People hate to be told what to do, even if you offer them money to do it. Now that the face of terror has changed from only middle eastern profile to include black and african as well, where does the profiling stop? On the day of the attempted attack on flight 253, i was asked to step aside for additional searching for the first time ever. Coincidence? I think not. Until somebody creates a system where everyone receives the same treatment, regardless of the intensity...there will always be unneeded inequality.
Well my friends, ive exhausted my writable thoughts for the moment.... so i leave you with a quote from the the one and only, impeccable MR Micheal Maddox.
" Play hard, work hard, live well, love well, and stay humble."
Until next time my friends, God Bless you all this new year.
Peace.
shortly after my last post i traveled across the country to the NY, NJ, Delaware, Philly areas to visit family for the holidays.
Great food as usual.
In a small fitness club in Glenpointe NJ, i met three people who had connections to UC Davis...small world indeed.
I went to a game at the MSG. That place is jampacked with tradition and history.
I rode my first NYC subway. I now believe that to truly appreciate the beauty and diversity of humanity, one must ride a NYC subway. Its a 360 degree experience, all about 6 inches from your face. The different faces, sizes, colors, everyone going their seperate ways but together for an average of 1 minute and 15 seconds. IT was an experience i will never forget.
I might be in love with New York.
But to live there without a niche could be a nightmare.
When i find my niche there---im there.
Brought in the new year in the House of the Lord. What better way? It was incredibly comforting and inspiring to see around 1000 people entrusting the new year and decade to their Lord, laying down their lives before Him in faith that He has a plan.
Everytime i return to Davis from visiting all my other family, i have a moment where i am just overwhelmed by realizing how much God has blessed my life and my family. And after that moment i have another even more potent moment when i realize how i dont deserve any of it.
I was talking to my friend/mentor Flex Alexander (some of you may know who he is) and he said something to me that i will not easily forget. He told me, "the minute we think that we deserve something and we start looking inward, thats the minute we start to lose the people around us". I pray that i never do that because the people around me ARE me to a certain extent. That would be self-destruct. My family, my close friends, all have in their own way helped me get this far; to 2010. And ALL that throught the devine plan and mercy of God.
Anyway, In class the other day i learned that the EU in an effort to better monitor and prevent terrorist attacks is trying to instate a mandatory i d card for all immigrants in the EU which is millions. This proposed card will have a tracking chip imbedded in it. THIS IS CRAZY! TALK ABOUT BIG BROTHER!! the first thing i thought of when i heard this was nazi germany where all jews had to where the star or in some places a yellow armband. I thought the USA was the only country that has given a stigma to immigration. Come to find out the EU has spent billions of dollars trying to get immigrants to return to their home countries. The funny thing is that if the EU had devoted half of that money to actually improving those home countries, people would be more likely to return. This fact is written clearly throughout history:People hate to be told what to do, even if you offer them money to do it. Now that the face of terror has changed from only middle eastern profile to include black and african as well, where does the profiling stop? On the day of the attempted attack on flight 253, i was asked to step aside for additional searching for the first time ever. Coincidence? I think not. Until somebody creates a system where everyone receives the same treatment, regardless of the intensity...there will always be unneeded inequality.
Well my friends, ive exhausted my writable thoughts for the moment.... so i leave you with a quote from the the one and only, impeccable MR Micheal Maddox.
" Play hard, work hard, live well, love well, and stay humble."
Until next time my friends, God Bless you all this new year.
Peace.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
THE Element of Freedom
I love this album. So many nuggets of truth delivered on the voice of an angel and through her hands turning the white and black keys into magical messengers of rhythm and melody.
So emotional, romantic, strong, vivacious.
I see so much of myself mirrored in Alicia Keys and her music.
I am by no means making a talent comparison, but i feel that her music truly speaks to me in a unique way. Im sure millions across the globe feel the same way.
Love is blind, i have been told this my entire life. But for me, not having a true grasp on what love feels like, how would i know? I only know of what love looks like as sacrifice (the Great example of Christ's sacrifice for sinful man). There are people in my life that i am willing, even desiring to sacrifice for. Does this mean that i love them?
What do you do when one whom you want to sacrifice for withdraws leaving an emptiness inside of you?
You find a way to make it without them.
But i dont want to do that. It is painful, like everywhere i walk there is a weight strapped to my heart.
I am afraid of knowing that i love someone. Thats putting myself out there to be loved back or not.
I am afraid to be vulnerable to that extent, but i cant lie to my heart.
My heart is full of smiles, and i caught a glimpse of her smile, but it has since faded away while my smile has grown.
I don't presume to know of love, but i know my love is Strong.
There cant be time constraints on the origins of Love, it can be developed over months and years, or it can spring up in a night, or something in between. It is not an equation in its source. Love is like the sea, tumultuous and overpowering, taking you over and taking you under.
But when i am the only one drowning in that sea, and she is standing on the shore.....
The fear of unrequited feelings, unrequited love is a deep fear in me.
I have for a long time held myself aloof from that possibility.
It was reserved for fools who didnt see the signs along the road that ended in a precipice.
Am i now that very "fool"?
It would be very different if we were separated by distance and time. It wouldnt hurt as much.
The truth is that we could be right next to eachother every minute, but it is a different type of distance that has begun to separate us.
Honestly, i shouldnt be shocked. Alongside the fact that i should know that the people that i really care for may not feel the same way, there is the fact that she had articulated that but i blindly pushed forward propelled by forces- beyond of my control? perhaps.
Once you get a taste of what it feels like to fly, its hard to take better judgement seriously.
I hoped it would stay and last forever. Naive? perhaps, but dont we all wish for that?
These are my feelings. Do i know 100% if they are true? Not at the moment, but time will tell.
And if (God forbid) i am correct, what must i do with this love that i have still in me because she can not, will not, accept it? Must i kill this love? How does love die?
"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we dont know how to replenish its source...it dies of blindness...of tarnishings." This speaks of a true love that has developed between two people. In my case, what to do with this undeveloped love? The death of it will indeed not be natural. It is ironic that the blindness that often defines love can be the cause of its death.
I hope my love need not die, but that it will be able to flourish and be embraced and returned by her.
If not, Gods will be done. He is my ultimate comfort. Truly God looks down on the plans of men and laughs. soli deo gloria.
Her music helps my heart to speak as it has in this post. "Pray to Him, He will show". Ultimately i live to see Gods smile, to please Him. But life does throw a curveball every now and then. What to do.
Merry Christmas to all.
May the peace of God be with you in this season of celebrating his birth.
--D Weazy
So emotional, romantic, strong, vivacious.
I see so much of myself mirrored in Alicia Keys and her music.
I am by no means making a talent comparison, but i feel that her music truly speaks to me in a unique way. Im sure millions across the globe feel the same way.
Love is blind, i have been told this my entire life. But for me, not having a true grasp on what love feels like, how would i know? I only know of what love looks like as sacrifice (the Great example of Christ's sacrifice for sinful man). There are people in my life that i am willing, even desiring to sacrifice for. Does this mean that i love them?
What do you do when one whom you want to sacrifice for withdraws leaving an emptiness inside of you?
You find a way to make it without them.
But i dont want to do that. It is painful, like everywhere i walk there is a weight strapped to my heart.
I am afraid of knowing that i love someone. Thats putting myself out there to be loved back or not.
I am afraid to be vulnerable to that extent, but i cant lie to my heart.
My heart is full of smiles, and i caught a glimpse of her smile, but it has since faded away while my smile has grown.
I don't presume to know of love, but i know my love is Strong.
There cant be time constraints on the origins of Love, it can be developed over months and years, or it can spring up in a night, or something in between. It is not an equation in its source. Love is like the sea, tumultuous and overpowering, taking you over and taking you under.
But when i am the only one drowning in that sea, and she is standing on the shore.....
The fear of unrequited feelings, unrequited love is a deep fear in me.
I have for a long time held myself aloof from that possibility.
It was reserved for fools who didnt see the signs along the road that ended in a precipice.
Am i now that very "fool"?
It would be very different if we were separated by distance and time. It wouldnt hurt as much.
The truth is that we could be right next to eachother every minute, but it is a different type of distance that has begun to separate us.
Honestly, i shouldnt be shocked. Alongside the fact that i should know that the people that i really care for may not feel the same way, there is the fact that she had articulated that but i blindly pushed forward propelled by forces- beyond of my control? perhaps.
Once you get a taste of what it feels like to fly, its hard to take better judgement seriously.
I hoped it would stay and last forever. Naive? perhaps, but dont we all wish for that?
These are my feelings. Do i know 100% if they are true? Not at the moment, but time will tell.
And if (God forbid) i am correct, what must i do with this love that i have still in me because she can not, will not, accept it? Must i kill this love? How does love die?
"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we dont know how to replenish its source...it dies of blindness...of tarnishings." This speaks of a true love that has developed between two people. In my case, what to do with this undeveloped love? The death of it will indeed not be natural. It is ironic that the blindness that often defines love can be the cause of its death.
I hope my love need not die, but that it will be able to flourish and be embraced and returned by her.
If not, Gods will be done. He is my ultimate comfort. Truly God looks down on the plans of men and laughs. soli deo gloria.
Her music helps my heart to speak as it has in this post. "Pray to Him, He will show". Ultimately i live to see Gods smile, to please Him. But life does throw a curveball every now and then. What to do.
Merry Christmas to all.
May the peace of God be with you in this season of celebrating his birth.
--D Weazy
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Some body else is thankful....
Driving to the airport....there was a green light but everyone was slowing down and i was like why???
Come to find out a clan of 20 or so wild turkeys were jus chillin in the road and off to the side! my car was definitely 1 inch away from one of them and he/she didnt budge!!
As i continued to drive i had to ask myself what the hell are these turkeys doing in the middle town? and where is this new found boldness coming from?
Then it hit me!!
They are out and about and jubilant and bold as ever because they made it through another year!!! its two days after thanksgiving and apparently they cant hold back their excitement any longer.
But im sayin you guys are dumb cus i know there are people like me and i dont get tired of turkey until after christmas...
So if any of you turkeys are cruisin the web...SAVE THE CELEBRATION! Dont pop bottles yet...wait about a month. im just sayin. Look out for your own.
d weazy
What is a Whammy? What is a remora? DEFINE!!!
Thanksgiving 2009 was good.
My two brothers were there, my two sisters were there, one with her husband and carrying their child inside her, and the other with her husband to be.
My parents, my aunt and uncle, my three beautiful cousins and their brother michael, (mike you are beautiful too, just not in the same way).
My Grandfather.
My sisters parents in law.
18 in all.
We ate well.
Had the traditional intense wiffle ball game...and witnessed necessity leading to technological innovation. As light fled the scene during the game, we whipped out glow-in-the-dark wiffle balls.
My team won. CONVINCINGLY
Enough said.
We played the Dictionary Game where you find a ridiculous word in the dictionary, and then teams make up believable definitions (two of the words used are in this blog title), then every team has to choose from the pile what they believe is the correct definition. Without explaining all the details any further i will just say its very fun and OF COURSE gets competitive.
My team started off slow BUT finished strong to get second place.
BUT
More important then anything that we did or said on thursday, is the fact that we were all together and we all knew who to thank for that incredible gift. And that is mainly why i am thankful this thanksgiving.
And BTW get this "Turkey day" crap outta town yo! Pull out your early american history books, dust it off, crack it open and have a read. You will see why the day is called thanksgiving and why it always should be.
Ummm, ya just so you people dont incriminate me for saying im only thankful for 1 thing (which i didnt really say), here are a FEW other things that i am thankful for this season:
-some very special people in my life lately and the positive influence that they have had on me
-for making it through another year of football relatively unscathed.
-my roomie B-Rizzock and the relationship we have (no homo).
-that my birthmom and her husband could come out all the way from florida for a game.
-for a loving, faithful, and stable family; in this i am truly blessed twofold and beyond measure.
Those are a few things. I Aint no preacher, but i aint no sucka either, so for those of you that read this, take a minute to think about what you have to be thankful for, i guarantee there is something. Let thinking about it put a smile on your face. Better not let me see you with a scowl or something negative on your face! haha-ha....im really not a funny person at all im realizing.
probably you laugh at me not with me....yep.
Anyway, im trying to write on here more because SOme people are pressuring me to do so.
Ill be back, untill then- BE Thankful!
d weazy
My two brothers were there, my two sisters were there, one with her husband and carrying their child inside her, and the other with her husband to be.
My parents, my aunt and uncle, my three beautiful cousins and their brother michael, (mike you are beautiful too, just not in the same way).
My Grandfather.
My sisters parents in law.
18 in all.
We ate well.
Had the traditional intense wiffle ball game...and witnessed necessity leading to technological innovation. As light fled the scene during the game, we whipped out glow-in-the-dark wiffle balls.
My team won. CONVINCINGLY
Enough said.
We played the Dictionary Game where you find a ridiculous word in the dictionary, and then teams make up believable definitions (two of the words used are in this blog title), then every team has to choose from the pile what they believe is the correct definition. Without explaining all the details any further i will just say its very fun and OF COURSE gets competitive.
My team started off slow BUT finished strong to get second place.
BUT
More important then anything that we did or said on thursday, is the fact that we were all together and we all knew who to thank for that incredible gift. And that is mainly why i am thankful this thanksgiving.
And BTW get this "Turkey day" crap outta town yo! Pull out your early american history books, dust it off, crack it open and have a read. You will see why the day is called thanksgiving and why it always should be.
Ummm, ya just so you people dont incriminate me for saying im only thankful for 1 thing (which i didnt really say), here are a FEW other things that i am thankful for this season:
-some very special people in my life lately and the positive influence that they have had on me
-for making it through another year of football relatively unscathed.
-my roomie B-Rizzock and the relationship we have (no homo).
-that my birthmom and her husband could come out all the way from florida for a game.
-for a loving, faithful, and stable family; in this i am truly blessed twofold and beyond measure.
Those are a few things. I Aint no preacher, but i aint no sucka either, so for those of you that read this, take a minute to think about what you have to be thankful for, i guarantee there is something. Let thinking about it put a smile on your face. Better not let me see you with a scowl or something negative on your face! haha-ha....im really not a funny person at all im realizing.
probably you laugh at me not with me....yep.
Anyway, im trying to write on here more because SOme people are pressuring me to do so.
Ill be back, untill then- BE Thankful!
d weazy
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Birthday Post
I am very blessed.
20 years...to be honest it seems like soo many more...in the past 2 years i feel like 10 have gone by....maybe just the gravity of events that have transpired..."grown-up"events.
Anyway its 10:50 in the AM on my birthday (November 17th 2009) and already some crazy shit has occured (obviously crazy enough that i felt the urge to write it down while still fresh in my mind).
Every tuesday i drive to Florin Highschool in Sacramento to do mentorship and workshops with the students. Today was the same. I left at about 9:50 AM. Got on the I-80 toward sac and immediately noticed that there was almost nobody on the stretch of road i was on...which is weird cus its a busy freeway. Anyway, i had my music playin, feelin pretty good, jumped into the fastlane goin about 80. There is a white honda in front of me going the same speed...cruisin. About 5 min go by and i see a white car pullin up behind me. Cop. he pulls up on my right and mouths to me to follow him then he pulls ahead and gets between me and the white honda and throws on his lights and signals the honda off the road also. At this point im thinking, "WTF!" and "really? on my birthday?" at the same time. so we are all pulled off the freeway; white honda, cop, me. He comes over...usual crap..."i pulled you over because of your speed....blah..blah..where you headed....blah...license and reg...."
Now i dont curse much...but at this point as he walks back to the patrol car with my license and my insurance information...in my mind im thinking "fuuuuccck". couldnt you just have mercy on a guy on his birthday? A double pullover? WTF! never heard of that EVER.
then its the approx 10 min period when im just sitting in the car waiting..trying to figure out how im going to deal with this...and im late to work. random thoughts...like seeing the "now hiring" bumper sticker on the cop car and wondering if anybody had ever been pulled over...saw the sticker, called the number...and became a cop.
Finally the offficer talks to the white honda...then walks over to my car.
"i was about halfway thru filling out ur ticket when i realized its your birthday man...im sorry"
(me) "yep, its my birthday"
(cop) mmmm...well i cant throw it out cus it was already registered when i realized...(thinking) have you done traffic school before?
(me) yes about a year and a half ago.
(cop) perfect you can do traffic school on line cus i put u at a lower speed.
(me in my head) grrreeeeeaat.
(cop notices my football sweats) how long you been playing for UCD?
(me) two years
(cop,) gets excited) well i played for the ags too! b-b-back in the early nineties...man i feel reall bad now since its your b-b-birthday and we are both aggies
awkward pause
pause
(talking about football, small talk, me trying to be as nice as possible as i see a possible miracle about to unfold)
(cop) listen, i really feel bad about the ticket, so hypothetically if you challenge it in court and i dont show up or i cant recollect the incident, the ticket will be dismissed...wink wink
(miracle in progress)
(me) i understand you perfectly officer
(cop) oh shit this is causeway classic week too!
(me) yessir\
(c0p) go kick their ass, i fuckin hate those guys
(me) will do
pretty much end of story...what are the chances:
1 that i get pulled over by the CHP on my birthday
2 that it is a double pullover(which btw i asked him how often they do that and he said rarely)
3 that the cop is a aggie football alum
4 that he noticed that i play football
5that he mentions a loophole
6 that he has a stutter
7 that he was on the last aggie fball team to win an outright conference championship in '92
8 he is coming to the game on saturday.
crazy birthday already and its only the 11th hour.
d weazy
20 years...to be honest it seems like soo many more...in the past 2 years i feel like 10 have gone by....maybe just the gravity of events that have transpired..."grown-up"events.
Anyway its 10:50 in the AM on my birthday (November 17th 2009) and already some crazy shit has occured (obviously crazy enough that i felt the urge to write it down while still fresh in my mind).
Every tuesday i drive to Florin Highschool in Sacramento to do mentorship and workshops with the students. Today was the same. I left at about 9:50 AM. Got on the I-80 toward sac and immediately noticed that there was almost nobody on the stretch of road i was on...which is weird cus its a busy freeway. Anyway, i had my music playin, feelin pretty good, jumped into the fastlane goin about 80. There is a white honda in front of me going the same speed...cruisin. About 5 min go by and i see a white car pullin up behind me. Cop. he pulls up on my right and mouths to me to follow him then he pulls ahead and gets between me and the white honda and throws on his lights and signals the honda off the road also. At this point im thinking, "WTF!" and "really? on my birthday?" at the same time. so we are all pulled off the freeway; white honda, cop, me. He comes over...usual crap..."i pulled you over because of your speed....blah..blah..where you headed....blah...license and reg...."
Now i dont curse much...but at this point as he walks back to the patrol car with my license and my insurance information...in my mind im thinking "fuuuuccck". couldnt you just have mercy on a guy on his birthday? A double pullover? WTF! never heard of that EVER.
then its the approx 10 min period when im just sitting in the car waiting..trying to figure out how im going to deal with this...and im late to work. random thoughts...like seeing the "now hiring" bumper sticker on the cop car and wondering if anybody had ever been pulled over...saw the sticker, called the number...and became a cop.
Finally the offficer talks to the white honda...then walks over to my car.
"i was about halfway thru filling out ur ticket when i realized its your birthday man...im sorry"
(me) "yep, its my birthday"
(cop) mmmm...well i cant throw it out cus it was already registered when i realized...(thinking) have you done traffic school before?
(me) yes about a year and a half ago.
(cop) perfect you can do traffic school on line cus i put u at a lower speed.
(me in my head) grrreeeeeaat.
(cop notices my football sweats) how long you been playing for UCD?
(me) two years
(cop,) gets excited) well i played for the ags too! b-b-back in the early nineties...man i feel reall bad now since its your b-b-birthday and we are both aggies
awkward pause
pause
(talking about football, small talk, me trying to be as nice as possible as i see a possible miracle about to unfold)
(cop) listen, i really feel bad about the ticket, so hypothetically if you challenge it in court and i dont show up or i cant recollect the incident, the ticket will be dismissed...wink wink
(miracle in progress)
(me) i understand you perfectly officer
(cop) oh shit this is causeway classic week too!
(me) yessir\
(c0p) go kick their ass, i fuckin hate those guys
(me) will do
pretty much end of story...what are the chances:
1 that i get pulled over by the CHP on my birthday
2 that it is a double pullover(which btw i asked him how often they do that and he said rarely)
3 that the cop is a aggie football alum
4 that he noticed that i play football
5that he mentions a loophole
6 that he has a stutter
7 that he was on the last aggie fball team to win an outright conference championship in '92
8 he is coming to the game on saturday.
crazy birthday already and its only the 11th hour.
d weazy
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