EBBANDFLOW (in memory of Ardeth Anne Smith, "One of the sweetest somebody's that i have known")

I LOVE LIFE
I LOVE MY FAMILY
I LOVE THE BIGGER FAMILY CONCEPT
I LOVE MY TEAM
I LOVE GOD

I HATE DEATH

death the cycle, from dust we come-to dust we return.
death the thief, after that last breath there are no more- NO MORE.
death the passage into eternal glory.
death the shocker, someone that you cannot fully prepare to meet until you are face to face.

But as i have been forced to deal with death over the passed week, i have lessened in my hatred of death.
My grandma is in Heaven.
no pain
no tears of sorrow
smile forever.
before the throne.
Through her passing my family came together in a very special way. Her three sons and their children and families shed tears together for one that we all loved.

It is true that you never really realize what u had until it is gone. What i had. A constant support in prayer and encouragement, the reason my father is who he is and what i have to emulate in my own future. To her the family was ultimate and thus she dedicated everything she had to keeping it stable and intact.
There is soo much to say about her...here is not the place for that. And to be honest she would protest every compliment to her if she were here.

Her 77 year life journey ended last sunday.
But the effects of her life LIVE ON.
and this is the punchline.
wat will be left after the ashes are scattered or the coffin buried?
Do not make this question a main concern, just live well, love hard, love God, be kind to others, be selfless, try to emulate Christ in your life and the question will take care of its self.

Brink of Betrayal

I recently had the privilege of viewing one of the most beautiful geographic landmarks in the world from the air.  Flying over the Grand Canyon is something i will never forget. Although i was 30,000 feet in the air, the canyons vivid character was clearly visible and majestic.  As i took in as much as i could, i wondered what it would be like to be standing at the edge of the mile deep monster, peering down, almost enchanted to jump.  

  I now revisit that thought.

I am at a crossroads, a fork, a dead end, a tollbooth, whatever ... any place that requires me to stop and make a decision. This is no easy, peace of cake, walk in the park deal. This is real live sequence, no anesthesia, no warning.  Staring over the edge at the unknown.  Not really knowing how to respond... because the outcome is still to come.  Speculation is heading off the investigation, holding jurisdiction over it, having a higher clearance level then disbelief, naivety, and even communication. 

And this calls into question my person as well.  Obviously i dont know myself because i would never have put myself in the category that i am in now.  Possibly duped.... low-key fooled like telling the 2 year old that we will come back to the park later.

Why is this happening?

There's is no way to know the answer at this point.

And yes, as i peer down into the grand canyon in my mind i am slightly tempted to jump.  Just to know what it feels like.

But i will not jump. 

Will i be pushed? 

That is a great question.

LIFE... "im jus sayin"...

OFFICIALLY BACK MY PEOPLES!!!
i apologize for the long absence...i wont make excuses except for one- life happens-and thats not even an excuse, its just a reminder.


Umm this is another random thoughts post under the big heading of life so bear with it.

As i continue to live life everyday, to breath, lay down and close my eyes while continuing to breath, and later on open my eyes and breath some more, i have begun to categorize people.
[dont try this at home] but yes i have come to a simple realization that people can be separated into two different camps.
Those that know how to communicate correctly, and those that do not know how to communicate correctly.
Almost every success and every problem in life can be traced back to communication.
I use the term correct communication because we all can communicate. Babies cry to communicate, even animals communicate, but knowing the correct communication given the situation is the issue.
As children, struggles with proper communication that are linked to lack of training by parents are often passed off as a disorder like autism or aspergers. Its when this child comes into adulthood that the problem becomes very visible. The child that never was taught to address issues when offended but instead internalized the problem, now, as an adult, is hurting themselves and people around them over and over again. Turning simple matters into matters of life and death. And what seems like common sense to some, is another's greatest fear. If jill has beef with jack, many would say that the obvious first course of action would be for jill to approach jack on the matter. But in this communication dichotomy, the other side of the spectrum has jill talking to joe and jane about her beef with jack. But im getting too complicated...
Lets widen the lense and just talk about basic interpersonal communication rhetoric. Respect, awareness, patience, listening, acknowledgment...these are some of the terms that come to my mind when i think about communicating with another person. I fear that today, more and more those words are being replaced by hidden agenda, self, only listen to what benefits you, one word answer, self, arrogance, offensive, self, self...notice the trend. Without the branches the tree will wither and die. The eye cannot survive on its own, it cannot say to the rest of the body, "im just gonna do me now, but its been nice". Society is becoming introverted, people don't really need to communicate because everything is electronic and extrememly de-personalized and you only will communicate with someone or something if you have a vested interest in that person or thing. Since these days we show "care and interest" by joining the"cause" on facebook, or donating our worn out shoes to kids in africa, all we have to do is "communicate" with the lcd screen in 12 inches in front of our face.
So the demise of most personal of actions- correct communication- has impact on the global level. Why? Because when the smoke clears, we are all just humans, with many different languages but the same beating heart.
I wish it was an easy task to break down this dichotomy of communication...all we can do is help each other...by communicating.
So talk to someone today, and be real, tell them what you really think and odds are they might appreciate you for it...albeit you might get a black eye too but lets be real, i would rather know what you really think then some facade.
Ok.
Peace
Dweazaay yung money back on the track.

I havent been inspired till now...

I finally got to see Corinn and now the words are overflowing. Joy peace contentment exhilaration i .just cant describe it with simple words. Wow. I cant beleive this is happening AGAIN.... I got to see her twice in one year. Boy am I lucky. Blessed is more like it. Because often times curses are blessings in disguise....I was born cursed with mediocre looks and skinny legs and I was blessed with the AWESOMENESS that is known as Corinn A. Elmore. Everything about her is sooo intriguing and even though i am often left at a loss for words, i know that in the end she will help me to understand my life in the big scheme of things. For someone who doesnt know shit, I know that she is the shit. Thanks for listening. I wish you the same experience that I am having. Deuces.

Drizzy

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WHO I HAVE MET...and that i remember...

i just was realizing lately(i sometimes find myself in contemplative situations) that i have met and/or "know" a lot of famous and semi famous people.
Lets go back, to--
THE beginning...
Michael Clarke Duncan
Donald Faison
Drew Lachey
Brian McKnight
Jaleel White (aka steve urkel)
Queen Latifah
Terrell Owens
Marcellus Wiley
Matthew Hatchett
**NEVERMIND; THIS IS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER**
Antonio Pierce
Missy Elliot
Chris Paul
Tyson Chandler
Sam Cassell
Mike Epps
Drew Rosenhaus
Michael Maddox
Roy Williams
Kenny Lofton
Nick Cannon
Tony Rock
Jermaine Dupri
Cortez Bryant
Drake....the dude is pretty chill
Usher
Twist
Columbus Short
James Lesure
Vanessa and Angela Simmons
Ashlee Simpson
Lawrence Fishburne
***for each person on this list there is a story of what went down and how i know/met them.
if you want to know, just ask; ya dig meh??
peace

THE HYBRID BLESSING (compilation of shorts)

-That which we take for granted:
the nurturing, tender, loving care of family.
the admonishing, bruising, frustrating care of family.
the inspiring, confident, consistent care of family.
the loyal, lasting, collaborative care of family.
that and so much more which we oft take for granted.-

Life is dualisms.
good and bad
easy and difficult
hot and cold
soft and hard
success and failure
laughing and crying
remembering and forgetting
living and dying.


Have you ever imagined what it would be like; what emotions would course through your veins (your nervous system and brain to be anatomically correct) if you found out one day that you had a whole other family that you never knew about that had always been loving you and praying for you? Just as all the colors of the rainbow combine to brown, so would this pour all conflicting and adjacent emotions together to create a hybrid. So hard to put down on paper. So hard...


Hidden from my knowledge,
Hidden from my sight,
But effecting me regardless,
in ways that i will never truly know.
Oh that i could take a leap back,
and watch objective theatre style.
Forget this...this is what i need to say:
I have been loved by so many
blessed by so many
cared for by so many
supported by so many
developed by so many.

"Our greatest fear is fear itself"?
No Sir! My greatest fear is that i have amassed a debt of love that i cannot possibly repay.
My greatest fear is that I will be inadequate as a product of so many.
My greatest fear is that i will not meet the standard.
My greatest fear is Not that i will fail but that i might not succeed to the correct level.
But.
But.
My fear, and yes, even my greatest of fears, are crushed
Crushed by one greater then I am.
"One who shoes i am not fit to tie"
One who has power to repay the debt of love over and over again.
One who has real estate in the lives of humanity.
The One who prompted all those that invested deeply in me to do so.

So this is what i figure:
If i can spend the rest of my life endeavoring to please the One who put That love in the hearts of those that loved me, i might just make up for the debt of love.

Thank God for family. the glue that it is, the joy that it brings, the hope it restores, and the life that it gives. Amen.
Peace/

Missed

(here is what i would parallel with what you attempted to "create" some months ago...it is what it is, but at least this is REAL)



i missed her voice
her voice, soft and cool like the mist
mist that conjures up the soul to beleive
to beleive in more the the voice alone
transported alone across the waves
-not the waves of the sea but invisible waves-
into my ear and my head and my being.

the pang of irrational emotion-
but what is there in emotion that is rational?
must emotion, in short supply, be rationed?
no
the natural ebb and flow, like those waves of the sea-
will not be quelled.
And i say, let them come.
rather to be tossed about by churning waves
then to be detached- unable to feel a thing.

her voice
that which i missed
missed it like the morning mist must miss the once green grass in the summer heat
mysterious forces at work
but i know what i feel
let all work at what they must
and come what may
i hope
in the end
to find that which i have missed
and the one to whom it belongs as well.
peace